True story

Hello!

A South Carolina farm wife called the
local phone company to report her telephone failed to
ring when her friends called and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned
right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman
proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic
dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set,
and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't
ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the
telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole,
the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire via a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus
causing the phone to ring... which demonstrates that
some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

A prisoner escapes from prison where he has served 15 years. He stops at a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. He kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he
kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him
satisfaction. This guy's dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too...."